Why Singing Together Creates Instant Belonging and Connection
Have you ever met a person, and straight away it feels like you’ve known them forever? Have you ever been at a pub where there’s a (music) session going on, or at a wedding where a sing-song breaks out at 3am in the residence bar? If you look around the room in these situations, nearly everyone (if not, every single person) will have a smile on their face. Some may have their eyes closed as they soak in the happiness they’re feeling, or the music/song may have transported them back to a memory. Not everyone in the room will know every person there, but they will smile and laugh and sing and enjoy the moment together regardless.
Sometimes we don’t talk about the fact that it can be hard to meet new people or make new friends as an adult. We don’t always talk about that there can be times in life when we feel lonely. There can be times when we feel like we don’t have a place where we feel like we belong, or the longing to have a ‘special interest’ – because a special interest or a passion is not always obvious to us. Sometimes it takes trying a few different things to see if it is or isn’t for you, sometimes there can be factors stopping you from pursuing it – proximity or availability, the need for expensive equipment or lessons and so much more.
Singing in a group with others can help with all of those things, and is so accessible. Music and singing just has a way of breaking down barriers. There’s something about singing together that creates instant belonging and connection—and it’s a magic we could all do with a little more of.
The Human Side of Harmony
For many people, choirs aren’t just about music—they’re about friendship, joy, and feeling seen. In one study of community choirs, singers described them as spaces of “inclusion, freedom, pleasure, and joy,” where people of all ages and cultures can come together and simply be themselves (Voices: A World Forum for Music Therapy, 2022).
In dementia-inclusive choirs, music has an even deeper role. The Good Life Chorus in the UK, for example, was described by families in The Guardian as “a lifeline of joy,” because even when words are hard to find, singing helps light up memories and restore a sense of belonging.
And then there are the everyday stories: the young professional who moves to a new city and makes their first real friends in a local choir; the shy person who tries a “come-and-sing” event for one afternoon and walks away surprised at how quickly they felt at home. Singing has a way of skipping past small talk and jumping straight to connection.
In my own case, my parish choir that I joined when I was nine years old has given me friendships, opportunities and memories that I will cherish forever. The community choir I started with a friend of mine (in an area I am not from but absolutely love) has brought so much joy to my life since we started a year ago. I have met people of all ages, from all walks of life, that I otherwise would not have had the pleasure of knowing, and I couldn’t be more grateful. We have honestly had the best fun and so many laughs together as we sang our hearts out, and I am so excited to get back to singing together for this new year.
Why It Works (Without Getting Too Technical)
Of course, there’s science behind the magic too. Researchers at Oxford University found that singing together boosts endorphins (the happy hormones) and raises pain thresholds, which helps people feel closer to each other. Studies have also shown that group singing increases oxytocin, sometimes called the “bonding hormone,” which helps us build trust and closeness (Fancourt & Perkins, 2018).
Even more fascinating, research with choirs has found that when people sing in unison, their heart rates can synchronise—as if our bodies know what we already feel: that we’re in this together (Vickhoff et al., 2013).
Group singing has also been shown to reduce stress by lowering cortisol (the stress hormone) and to support physical health by boosting immune proteins like immunoglobulin A (Kreutz et al., 2004). But the real beauty is that you don’t need to know any of this to feel it. Anyone who has left choir rehearsal smiling wider than they arrived knows the truth in their bones.
Not Just for Professionals
The beauty of group singing is that it’s not about being a trained singer. You don’t need to read sheet music, audition, or perform on stage. Whether it’s karaoke, singing in the kitchen with your partner, or joining a community choir, the benefits are the same.
Pop-Up Choirs or “Come-and-sing” days are especially wonderful for beginners—you can turn up, try it out, and experience that sense of belonging in just a few hours. No commitment, no pressure, just voices meeting in the middle.
Even virtual choirs, which became popular during the pandemic, showed us that connection isn’t only about being in the same room—people singing from their living rooms across the world still reported feeling uplifted and part of something bigger (Whitacre’s Virtual Choir, 2020).
Why Now Is the Perfect Time
Right now, as summer ends and the evenings draw in, many choirs and singing groups are starting back up. It’s a bit like a “back-to-school” season for your voice and your heart. Across the country, choirs and many community groups are welcoming new singers as they launch their autumn terms.
So if you’ve been thinking about trying something new, or you’re longing for connection, joy, and a sense of community, this is the perfect moment.
A Gentle Invitation
If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to belong the instant you walk in a room—join a choir and you’ll find out. You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t even need to call yourself “a singer.” You just need to show up, open your mouth, and let your voice join the others.
Because when we sing together, something bigger than ourselves takes over. We laugh, we breathe, we release, we connect—and in that harmony, we remember that we’re never alone.
✨ So why not check out your local choir this autumn? You might just find not only music—but friendship, belonging, and joy waiting for you also.
References
Fancourt, D., & Perkins, R. (2018). The impact of singing interventions on health, wellbeing and behaviour: A systematic review. Perspectives in Public Health.
Vickhoff, B., et al. (2013). Music structure determines heart rate variability of singers. Frontiers in Psychology.
Kreutz, G., et al. (2004). Effects of choir singing or listening on secretory immunoglobulin A, cortisol, and emotional state. Journal of Behavioral Medicine.
Voices: A World Forum for Music Therapy (2022). Community choir singers’ experiences of inclusion and joy.
The Guardian (2024). “A lifeline of joy: how choirs are helping people living with dementia.”
Whitacre, E. (2020). Virtual Choir Project.
